Frequently asked questions about Ukrainian girls

Before you go to the contact page to ICQ or e-mail your question, please read through this page. If you do not get an answer here, welcome to my message board where you can talk to me and other visitors. The more people see your question, the higher chances are that you will learn the truth.
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Engagement Ring?

This is not common in Ukraine. We do have both wedding and engagement rings in Russia but for some reason we usually do not use wedding rings and use only engagement rings instead. Perhaps this is the result of poverty under Soviet rule when it was too extravagant to have two sets of rings for one wedding. Usually people do with wedding rings. So you may save your funds and spend it on something else. This may also be advisable if you are planning to get the ring in the USA and bring it over to Ukraine as it may get stolen from your baggage or the customs will make you pay so much that you will not have enough means to go home (see above).
However, when your fiancee learns that it is an American tradition and she missed it she may be unhappy with you. Or she may already be informed that American men give their fiancees rings and expect you to. So you choose. As an option, you may buy the ring here in the CIS or bring it to the country where you are meeting her outside the CIS.
By the way Russians wear wedding rings on the right hand.

Can I marry my fiancee right in Ukraine?

You certainly can, but. It is not a good idea to marry in the CIS. People who did it regretted it as they had a lot of trouble bringing their wife to the States. You ought to go on a fiancee visa. That is the well trodden path.

I like Ukrainian women but before I go for it I would like to know how much it will cost me

To start with, you will have to pay for your correspondence and letter translation. It all depends, but I believe you have to earmark at least $250 a month for that alone. (You may need to spend more depending on the service but I, for one, charge $190 a month and another $100 may be required if the lady does not have e-mail and must be contacted on the phone).
Total costs will vary widely, depending on the method of approach, type of your agency, individual expectations and plain luck. Significant planning and communication efforts can realize huge savings by minimizing trips. Many guys who are starting out underestimate the time, effort and money required — probably $15,000 minimum. By the way the real financial and emotional challenges begin after she arrives.
It is very expensive dealing with women so far away. You may spend close to $30,000 in one year searching for your true love. But this is the cost of a long distance relationship, and with anything, nothing is guaranteed.
One of the big interim expenses is if you marry in the FSU and then apply to bring your new wife/family home is the higher costs of providing daily communications while apart. Including providing a home computer and Internet, frequent telephone calls and the really big one frequent visits to be with your new wife in her country until she has her visa to move to your country.
The other major factor here outside of cost in dollars is the cost of time you need to put into establishing the relationship, especially in providing for longer and more frequent trips to the FSU with you lady until she can immigrate to live in your country. This is like any other relationship and requires spending time together on a regular and frequent basis. In this case you have to do so away from your regular life and activities in your home country for extended periods of time.
When you come over to meet her, please realize that trip to FSU may cost you a few thousands. Air tickets will take a grand. Plan on about $100 a day. A good apartment is at least $50 a night. An interpreter’s days costs $30 to $120 (just remember that you get what you pay for, so if you are offered $35 a day it may be an inexperienced student who will need a translator herself). A decent meal at a nice restaurant is not very expensive. Usually it is about $40.00 for 4 people. A 2 hour tour of the city may cost $35 for 3 people.

Do I really need to pay for translations?

It depends on your luck and wisdom. Either you are lucky enough to meet a girl who speaks English very well, or, if you are not wise enough, you will use translation software.

So, can I simply find girls who are fluent in English?

You may try your luck but this will restrict your search a lot, especially if you are looking for someone young. There are a lot of girls out there, but few of them can speak fluent English. You cannot be sure that you will meet your ideal soulmate out of the English speaking ones. There are such gorgeously cute girls here you literally cannot take your eyes off — but they do not necessarily speak English, especially those in their 20’s. They can claim they do so that to attract you though.

And why can’t I use translation software instead of human translator?

Translation software is faulty by its nature because it has no idea of context. Humans use context to guess which meaning a word has in a particular situation. Just an example, when you say ‘blow’ it may be a verb or a noun. As a verb, it can mean the action of the wind or of a good girl :-), as a noun it can mean a hard hit or cocaine. You see how many meanings a simple word can have, and how is the software supposed which should be used in a particular text? It simply puts a fixed meaning even if it is a square peg in a round hole, and you get a messy translation which is unreadable, at best, or misleading and abusing, at worst. For instance, the Russian word for relationship can also be translated as ‘ratio’. So if a woman wants ‘to create ratios’ you now know what it means… but the list goes on, and you will never be able to make out all the passages. Further, worse than simple rubbish, see; if you know Russian a little, you can remember that the word ‘skuchat’ is translated either ‘to be bored’ or ‘miss’. Which is a big difference! A man once got a message from his would-be wife which read ‘I am bored with you’. Their relationship was ruined. As it later emerged, she meant that she missed him but her translation program could not translate it properly because it only had one meaning in its memory. Very sad. Do not let it happen to you! Get a professional translator (because someone who knows a few English words and wants to shear bucks posing as a translator may make a similar mistake).

OK, why can’t I use body language and electronic translators? I hear that people do well

Or think that they do? I have seen a lot of people talking to each other in their own language and having a feeling that they understand each other perfectly but since I know both Russian and English I was able to see their illusion. Do not delude yourself. It is not just my idea. There is a Russian movie about three people, a Russian, a Finn and a woman of a third nation who were stranded together in the North at the end of WWII. They talk to each other all the time and think that they understand but the audience laughs all the time because they actually do not and it turns really funny.

Hey, I have noticed something. There are no overweight girls in Russia or Ukraine! Is that true, or maybe the fat ones just don’t sign up for these dating agencies?

No, of course not. We do have fat people and fat girls too here. But their percentage is so small that the answer may actually be yes. In fact, I consider a woman whose height in centimeters minus her weight in kilos over 110 to be fat (e.g., if she is 165 cm tall and weighs more than 55 kg, she is fat to me). But I do not even see many of those, and meeting a really fat girl is a very scarce chance. Women in their 40’s may weigh more than that, and still a really fat person is a rare sight here.
Why? It is culture. Women here think about their appearance a lot. I will stress, a whole lot. And being fat is too terrible. Also, not as many people own cars here as in the USA. Finally, McDonald’s is not a place to eat daily here — people go there seldom for fun, when on a business trip or to amuse their kids (children love McDonald’s). But there are very few, if any people who would eat there daily.
The only problem is, if you marry a slim girl and get her to the US she might start gaining weight in a few years when she adapts to the new culture, gets her own car and becomes used to fast food and the availability of meat…
Also, when you consider proposing a girl, have a look at her mother. If she is fat… We have a saying: “If you look at your mother-in-law, you can see what your wife will look like in 20 years”.

I was asked an interesting question by a woman I am corresponding with: “Are you going to meet only me or several women? I want us to be honest from the very beginning”…

You know, honesty and women are hardly compatible things. What is more, women do not appreciate honesty on the ground, whatever they say. (Do not believe them either). Words that you say to her matter much more that what you actually do. There is a saying, ‘actions speak louder than words’, but if we apply this to women, ‘words are more efficient than actions’. In my experience no actions are enough without words, but words alone can help without any actions. This is women, we cannot change them. All we can do is to understand them and act respectively. The only real use that women have for honesty is for manipulating men. So do not buy it. Tell her you are going to meet her only but do have a back-up plan. She will be happy. All she wants to hear is that you are coming to her only. But remember that she may be dating other men and can dump you without the slightest doubt if she finds it suitable.
Yes, I do suggest telling the lies. “Do not ask silly questions and you will hear no silly answers”. It should be her fault for making you lie, not yours. Why lie? Simple. Women do not appreciate honesty. Strange as it seems it is true, believe me. I am not sure about American women but Ukrainian ones like to hear how much you love her, that she is the only one, lots of this bullshit, etc. I guess that all women are like that. So, if they like to hear the bullshit even if they know that it is bullshit, let them do. Tell her that she is the only one if that is what she wants to hear.
Of course she wants you to meet her only. But, asking you whether you are going to meet other women is actually against unwritten rules. Because if you are smart, you are. But if you answer honestly, she will be put off. If you lie, it is a lie. So she is putting you into a bad position where you lose both ways.
But, you have to be very careful and make sure she does not know anything. On the other hand, you always have to be careful when it comes to women. “Women worry about their future until they get married, men do not worry about their future until they get married”‘…
There are plenty of gorgeous women here and few earnest American men looking for Ukrainian brides. The math isn't hard to figure who is in demand and who is in command of the situation. And further, no one can know for sure if he only wants to meet one woman until he actually meets that one woman.
In my humble opinion, if I were the girl, I would do my best to make you forget all the other girls on earth, and then she would not even have to ask. But I am logical. As a man. Women's logic is actually NO logic.
So, before she is the only special one for you, do what is best for you, not for her. If she dumps you tomorrow (and she can easily do it, refer to the above paragraph!) you will have to start over again. So, meet many and if they ask silly questions, provide them with relevant answers. They will only be happy .
I do not imply that women are stupid, this is life. As one of my friends says, "Women. Can't live without them, can't shoot them.” He is an American man happily married to a Ukrainian woman by the way. And she did ask him this question before they met (on the phone I mean). He answered frankly and she was upset. But he married her after all, so she did not have to worry actually.

I want to send her flowers and get a photo… is it OK with her? Do women who receive flowers and pose for a photo realize that the purpose of the photo in many cases is to let the man know she is real (or at the very least, a woman who looks like the lady they think they are corresponding with lives at that address)? Aren’t they offended?

First, the flowers offset any ill feelings RW may have regarding the photo. Whenever I deliver flowers here in Ukraine, women are happy to have their photo taken. In fact, they never think about some proof or scams because if I manage to deliver flowers to a lady, she is real and unsuspecting of any scams. Besides, they are usually aware how much men appreciate females photos so they think the real reason for the photos to be taken is that the man wants to see her once again, and it is pleasant. So, no offence.

I see a lot of ads from Ukrainian girls and many of them have Nordic features, specifically blond hair and blue eyes. Are they really common there?

They are not extremely rare but on the other hand many blondes here dye their hair. Still, Ukraine is different from Greece and Bulgaria where people tend to have a bit darker complexion, so gray eyes are more common here than dark eyes, and I think that if we have few real (natural) blondes, we have even fewer real brunettes with black eyes. The thing is that the Ukrainian people historically comes from the North (from Russia), unlike other peoples in South Europe, so it is no wonder nordic features are there.

What is so special about Ukrainian women? Why do men go for them?

If you come over and meet some women you will see that most of them have the following great features:
On the other hand, American woman are too demanding. Ukrainian women might be as demanding, but the difference is that they give something back as well. By the way they got back too ;-). Also, if you are in your 40s you cannot expect a woman in her 20s to have a look at you in the US unless you are very rich. Many Ukrainian women do not mind age difference.

I am planing a trip to the FSU and I wanted to have flowers to present to my greeting party (she would be waiting for me at the airport). Whats the best way to get flowers before I get there? Must I drag them with me from the start of my flight? I would expect a layover in the UK.

It is not a good idea to “drag” flowers from the very beginning of your trip because they would more likely wither and lost their initial beauty. Moreover they will cause you a lot of troubles. Flowers a re a huge business in Russia and any FSU country...dont worry no problem finding some. Pretty cheap too.
In fact, if you are off the plane, it is they who should greet you with flowers, so relax. Seeing you there will be a lot of emotion for her so she may not actually notice your flowers. It is better to get them to her later when she calms down.

When a Ukrainian woman signs her letters "Your Natasha" is this a normal way to end correspondence? Could it indicate she is very interested in me?

There is nothing special about it , so don’t hold your breath. It is just a cliche like Sincerely yours. But, it is indeed used when you write your friends, so it might indicate you are on a better level. However, I will repeat: don’t hold your breath.

Any particular agencies I should be looking at, and which ones should I be avoiding?

Choosing an agency is a personal decision based on reputation, size, services and costs.
There are many abusive agencies so beware. I believe that the best way is to get some addresses and talk directly, without any agency. You can use a third party translation service but you ought to stay away from agencies that tend to control everything and foist a lot on you. Based on my epxerience, I believe that there should be introduction agencies and separate translation agencies, but as long as you use the same dating agency both to meet and talk to your lady, things may go awry. So keep it in mind.

How do I tell an honest dating agency?

Unfortunately, the term ‘honest agency’ sounds more like an oxymoron nowadays. Still, there are some clues. First of all, if the agency will not let you have the contact details of women you write to, it’s time to move on. Then, if they make it a point that you should have them 'help' you to get accommodation, etc, it is a red flag. Tell them you are going to hire your own interpreter who will take care of you while you are there and see the agency disappear (you will get a letter purportedly from the woman you are talking to stating she is sorry she met somebody…). As a rule of thumb, you should avoid ‘marriage’ agencies. A dating agency is a dating agency, and ‘marriage agency’ means it is based here in the FSU and uses poorly paid translators who don’t know the right term. In fact, you should use US based dating agencies rather than FSU based ‘marriage’ ones; the word 'marriage' just gives them away. And don’t forget, you should not use the same agency to meet women and talk to them if you want to remove potential abuse.

In some agencies you can see how many guys retrieved the address of the girl, and I can’t understand why someone would write to a girl that received already 200-300 letters

And that is about all that most of them do — write. When in comes to actually getting or renewing their passport, getting the visa, paying up all the money for travel and expenses (most of them have to fly overseas), fear of the unknown, rumors, add nausea; well, all of this tends to seriously weed out the looky-loos and jerf-offs. Ironically, out of that 200-300, she might get 1 visit if she is lucky. Here’s a little tip: if you really want to get a girl’s attention and receive a letter from her, include a photocopy of your unexpired Ukrainian visa with your letter! That will get her pen moving and probably bump you to the front of the line.

I will be visiting a girl in Kiev in June and she told me that she would be happy if I went to stay at her flat. I liked the offer because she shows real interest in me, but at the same time I think she just want avaid that I meet other girls. What do I do? So how to tell her no, that I will stay at the flat rented by the agency? It's OK to tell her the truth, that I will be there also to meet other girls? But don't want to lose her!

You are in a fairly difficult situation. On the one hand it is always better to tell the truth, so that to establish good relationship based on love, trust, honesty and mutual understanding from the very beginning. On the other hand if you tell her the truth you may lose her, because if she invites you to her parents’ apartment, it means that she is serious about her feelings and intentions… If you tell her that you are going to meet several women, she may think that you are not serious and sincere with her and you may lose her. However there is a possibility that she will understand, but no guarantee, that her feeling towards you will be the same…
Again, you can tell her that you prefer to stay in a flat, provided by the agency because you don’t want to cause her and her parents discomfort. But you can’t be sure that when you date with other women she will not know about it…and it would be even worse! So my suggestion is (if you really like her and don’t want to lose her) - stay at her flat and see if everything works out between you. If not, if something goes wrong you can always go and rent a flat. (I am sure the agency will help you). And then contact the other ladies, using them as a backup plan.
If you look at the situation at another angle, remember what your goal is. It is to find a wife. It is not to get married to this girl. There is a difference. What is her goal? To find a foreign husband. She knows the rules of the game and is trying to manipulate you to exclude others, so that she can attain her goal. It would be nice if your goals and hers meshed, but there is every chance that they will not, but after a week of being love bombed by a young, motivated woman, you will think that you are in love forever. If she is actually considerate of your goals, she will not be happy, but will not stop you seeing other women. If she tries seriously to hamper your actions, then her goals are more important than your shared goals and you should drop her.

What If She Speaks Absolutely No English?

The language barrier itself should not be a problem if you look for your Only One, a Lady of your dream. But on the other hand, language is much more significant than age or culture. If you do not know why your girlfriend just laughed, or cried, then what can you do, or say. How can you share the pleasure and the pain? It ends up being about food and fucking. Even if the girl wants to learn in the future, that is not good enough. I mean if you cannot talk, how can you decide if you are right for each other? Use an interpreter to get to know each other, and in the meantime help her with her English. Basically it takes about six months to learn English well enough to be able to talk.

Do Ukrainian women want to work once they marry a guy abroad?

They seek men with financial stability because Ukrainian women in general believe the man should be the provider of the family and shoulder the financial responsibility. They do not like the idea of having or being forced to work but they will do what is best for the family. Generally, many Ukrainian women looking for a husband abroad do it because they want an easy life and not because they are eager to work. Unfortunately, it must be admitted that the real reason why so many Ukrainian women are there is the economic prosperity in the US contrasted with the harsh situation in the FSU.
Though not all RW mean that. Many is not all and is not even most. There are also other reasons. You just should make it clear that you are looking for a partner rather than a banal housewife. In fact, many of them change their mind once they are there.

A lot of these girls I see on their ads have a ‘lip smile’, as if they are trying to hide their teeth. Is it really that bad over there?

Don’t let the lip smiles scare you. While in America all people smile to show their teeth, it was considered highly impolite to show your teeth in old Russia. At that, not many people have bad teeth and I am sure that out of all women you see in the profiles hardly a few would have bad teeth. In fact, if a Ukrainian woman has bad teeth, she will not even try to meet someone here let alone going on the Net. Ukrainian woman are very sensitive to the way they look, hygiene, etc. You must have noticed that they dress up very nice, but besides they are very clean and careful about their health, etc. Clothes is what you see, but the inside is as good.
Besides, it is not that easy to smile to show your teeth. When I try to, I look like a predator looking at prey. My American friend sent me photos of his Ukrainian wife. She is trying to smile this way and looks a bit silly I would say, but she is obviously learning. I personally do not quite like the American way of smiling, something I appreciate about Ukrainian woman is that they usually have a small cute mouth. Of course, if you smile your teeth every day, your mouth will take half your face, that’s what happened to Julia Roberts.
Finally, a good Russian proverb states that you do not look at the teeth of a horse given to you. I think that women are not worse than horse (though there are some women out there that are actually called the same, but they are not worse either), so do not worry much about their teeth. They are OK anyway.

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